seriously sometimes i wish people wouldn't ask. But i'm a culprit myself, the nothing-to-say-so-just-ask syndrome! but anyhow i had this conversation that i think, made me think again.
and last night i was asking God about it, and i guess i really really really want to trust HIs plans, but the thing is. WHAT IS HIS PLAN!?
then i thought about what the person said: you must REALLY LOVE it to do it.
and i asked myself if i did. yeah sure, i did, but not THAT much. last night, i realised the problem. okay, fine not the problem. but well, the reason why i guess. cos i love two things before i love that. hence, i don't love it so much.
i love God first. then i love people. then i love that. and the thing is that i can't say i LOVE it so much, i can't say i LOVE something so much, have so much passion for something, when it's not really the first thing on my list. yet, BLAH! i don't know what i'm talking about. but you get the drift (omgosh tokyo drift -.-) but that's what i realised, and i don't see why it's a dilemna, but. IT IS! AHAHHA ah man, i'm incoherent to myself! but i like blabbing nonsense sometimes. that's why i can amuse myself and stay happy.
but yes! i'm not like them. i'm not so crazy over it. i don't know! i really dont know. it's scary, and it's CRAZY. but you know, God gave me crazy plans before. things i thought were like ?!?!??!?! SIAO AH, and well, His crazy plans turned out to be possible.
i stand here today, the same person, yet not wholly the same. God like totally changed my life. HAHAHA LIKE TOTALLY AWESOMENESS!! hahaha. but seriously. I know His plans prevail, i know His promises never fail. i know i serve and revere a God who is great.
unfortunately the world doesn't think so. sadly, the world thinks the total opposite. sometimes it's really confusing, cos i believe GOd, yet i think the world's right? it's kinda crazy, but it's like being stuck in two places at one time. standing at both wisma and taka. AHHAHA who was it that told me that?! that was quite hilarious.
then i thought back about another incident in council, during junecamp for the juniors.. and it was the teachers' challenge. i remember really clearly what it was like.
i trust him, but i don't trust myself
think we often do that. i trust His plans, i trust His ways, i trust Him, but do i really? if i can't trust myself? what's stopping me? it's me.
eeeyer i always post so deeeeep one. hahahaha. but anyway, I LOVED PROM-SHANG and all. just made me feel very happy to be with these pple (: and my b'day with them too. kinda sad that i'll only see them when we meet, and no more in school or in the council room, or at rain duties. AHHA i always have this picture in my head of rainduty with weiting flinging his socks everywhere. think it's cos he did it more than once. and the council room in it's SAD messy BOX-filled state cos the teachers dumped all those peanuts and snacks w us. HAHAHA. and the most hilarious thing was at the shang when so many strange things happened thru the morning and the balcony which we called heaven had some bird that got squashed and feathers were a-flying when sarah was happily sitting out there. AHAHA and then u see pple slping all over the floor and we nearly got kicked out of the room twice. i just blabbed, happy times.(: council taught me one very big thing- how to love people. and how to trust God. and then it's about how it's the HEART that counts. whoops that's not one thing.
then i gotta see ode and si and char and sa and yeahhhhh! everyone at prom too and YES :D hahaha twas nice. i cant' believe my life in AC is OVER:( okay that sounds super emo, but WOW, TWO YEARS just zipped past like that! i'm thankful, and very happpy for i coudln't have asked for better.
contentment lies in those who feel that what they have, is already the BEST! yesyes.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee come from a great sch! (: AIYO the WE cheer just says it all. go youtube it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQxk2H-ZbVk
haha the 31sts one i think.
shern
yeah we fight with a spirit never seen before
