when i think of jesus

... i see a man on his knees.

somehow that's the picture i get now. i see a God who is willing to bow so low just because He loves us. a God who understands the pain of poverty, when to people like me, poverty is just a word with a lot of meaning. how can i even say i know what it is? how can i even KNOW what to pray?

how to pray for people suffering whom you don't know? or people who disappear from earth in the blink of an eye? how to pray for a friend you know, yet you don't REALLy know? how to PRAY?

teach me, how to pray, God.

today i took the 40day of prayer book and searched out the 50 poorest countries on my map. i didn't find all of them, cos maybe my general knowledge of the world is.. really bad, but it was quite shocking that at so many points looking towards SEAsia for this country, i would end up realising it was in africa. and again, and again. and it was CHUNKS of land, not a dot like singapore. i mean, if they're poor, MAN- TONS OF PEOPLE HAVE TO BE POOR AND SUFFERING THERE. hate that feeling of sadness yet it's only half full so you can't really release it. gah then i didnt' know how to pray. but just.. God help them.

what's the alevels when people are struggling to live? gah, but my duty is being a good student. so i shall continue my course.

i've decided i won't want to take a sociology or social work course in uni anymore, cos i don't want that to be my vocation, but part of life. i guess you can always help people in any setting (: so yes, that's my idea. besides, it won't really be good if i feel really sad everyday for different people or find out stuff about people and feel burdened. my bad.

and that's why i dislike coming online sometimes, cos i read things and i get affected cos i feel sad. BLAH. time to go off. GOD SAVE OUR LAND AND HEAVEN BLESS! AHHAHA that's our school song.

and maybe that's why i love ac so much, cos when i'm there, my world REALLY is flowery and happy. like SALLY says i think about happy and flowery things while they all think of 'mature' stuff (i wonder what MATURE can mean -.- ) i really am HAPPY! so, say what you like, i'm SO GONNA GET THAT SMILEY FACE BALLOOON SOON. okay that was random. it's sooooooo cute! yellow n happy.

GOD YOU ARE MY STRENGTH. thank you for everything Father, i love you really A LOT! and i pray you touch everyone who needs You, that you may be the comfort to the broken hearted, the hope for those who have given up, and GOd, just help them who are hurting. I know you're Mighty, GOOD and you are GOd. you are GOd and that's all that matters. Thanks for making a difference in my life. thank you for BEING that difference i can never replace.

a levels? prelims? in my weakness, there is Your strength

I FEEL LIKE SMILING. your face shines, God.